Reality or fake?

For a long time I could not find a suitable girl for a serious relationship. Maybe I was too picky and demanding, but I wanted to find the perfect person. For me, the figure or hair color is not important - I was looking for a girl with whom I would feel good mentally. Such a relationship can be stronger than an intimate attraction. I opened a profile on a dating site and described in detail my personality and image of the girl I was looking for. I wrote a lot in my profile so that ladies do not look only at my face. I have everything ok here. A couple of years I worked as a model for advertising men's jackets, so I had a lot of girls. But all this was a simple entertainment that did not last longer than 3-4 nights.

But time goes by and I have changed. Now I work in the construction industry and want to start a family. Appearance is the first thing that girls see, but I chose more neutral photos for my profile. I found many girls from my and other countries who shared my views and interests. But it was a chat from a distance and half of them did not want to communicate with the video. Then I met Tess. She was a sweet girl and was looking for a new love after a divorce. Her parents were against divorce and she left to rent an apartment. I understood her sadness and loneliness and wanted to help her just as a friend. I know that there is a period when you feel bad and you are left alone without help and support.

We talked for a long time and then decided to visit the water park. It was great fun for me and her. We had a good time there and agreed on a new meeting. We started a relationship but without intimacy. Frequent calls, nice messages, even went to my parents several times. Then it was my birthday and I did not want to celebrate with my friends. I wanted a quiet atmosphere with my girlfriend and gave friends a categorical no.

Tess reacted strangely to my invitation, maybe she was afraid of a close relationship. But I certainly would not have insisted on this if she did not want to. She had constant fears on an intimate topic and I thought that these were wounds from a past relationship. She did not talk about it, but I did not ask or insist. Sometimes it seemed to me that our relationship was moving well, but sometimes I thought that there was another girl in the chat. But I definitely decided to celebrate my birthday together at home with romance and a good movie.

She came to me for lunch and asked if there would be more guests. I said that I want to spend this holiday only with her. We prepared delicious dishes and set the table in the center of the room. Then they found a good movie and sat on the sofa. Then I heard a doorbell and she was scared. My friends came with balloons, a cake and some posters. It was fun and enjoyable, but Tess took her things and just left. I did not understand this behavior and was stunned.

I called and wrote to her many times but did not receive an answer. Then I opened her profile on the site and saw that she closed it from me. I did not understand what happened and how my friends could scare her. Our relationship was normal for a couple who are just starting a joint path. Everything was calm and pleasant. Maybe she had problems or difficulties with other relationships or some kind of trauma with a company of people. I do not know and cannot understand the reason. I did not see her anymore and did not receive an answer to my letters.

I still sit on that dating site and sometimes write letters to her. If she is still there, she continues to communicate with the guys. I want to know the reason and it is important for me. But in real life, I was thinking that there is something wrong. She talked to me cheerfully and simply, and at a personal meeting she was quiet and modest. I thought that people can be different and they can be modest in the company of other people. But her behavior on my birthday confused me. I thought of hundreds of reasons and still can not find something understandable and logical. Such a story on a dating site could happen to everyone, but now I communicate with girls just for fun and for now I do not want a serious relationship. I have to get or find the answer to move on.